So as most of you know I am unemployed, gloriously unemployed.
For now anyways. Someday real soon I will have to get back to the grind.
I intend to wait until the last possible minute to find work.
I had a job i hated for almost 3 yrs and I sat behind a desk selling shit to
people who didn't need or want said shit.
I sat for 8 hours a day 40 hours a week.
When I became unemployed I thought 'woot' (well not really, who thinks woot?)
I thought 'now I can get into shape, now is my chance'
I didn't. I sat some more and some more and sometimes I laid down a little.
I eat less, but thats because it really takes almost no energy to sit or lay.
After the holidays were over, I thought 'ok fatty, this time for real, no fucking around'
I bought a Fitness DVD from Giant Tiger. Yup they sell fitness related stuff at Giant Tiger,
they also sell barrels of Gummi Candy for $2, and 69 cent Burritos.
Anyways it's called 'The Firm, Total Body Makeover' it sounds promising right?
I figured as soon as I brought it home I would be fit.
It wasn't that easy.
These bitches on the DVD ( I say bitches in only the most loving way)
They demand that you work it.
It's almost like they know exactly when I'm getting tired and thinking of a cigarette.
I will stop gyrating and reach for the remote, and one of these perky bitches will say
"Come on girl don't give up, stay with me, only 8 more to go"
How am I supposed to ignore that?
I've found the best way to avoid fatigue during these workouts is by cursing.
When she says with a huge smile on her face "Ok girl lets start with a step touch and work our way up to a swan schnauzer" or "Come on girl only seventeen million to go" I yell at her, I call her names.
I list the things I would do to her if I only I could get my hands on her.
It helps me to ignore the pain, I instead focus on my hatred for the perky bitch.
Sometimes I even sarcastically mimic her perpetual cheer.
I exaggerate my movements, swinging my ponytail around like a moron, all whilst smiling like a beauty pageant contestant. It works for me. If I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I get excited to take it out on 'Rebecca'. I flail around my Rec Room and between bouts of cursing and smiling I actually get into it. I would highly recommend this method of working out to anyone who hates exercise and loves sitting.
As I was writing this post I came up with my next instalment of
"Stuff You'll Never See #5"
Me In an actual exercise class
For now anyways. Someday real soon I will have to get back to the grind.
I intend to wait until the last possible minute to find work.
I had a job i hated for almost 3 yrs and I sat behind a desk selling shit to
people who didn't need or want said shit.
I sat for 8 hours a day 40 hours a week.
When I became unemployed I thought 'woot' (well not really, who thinks woot?)
I thought 'now I can get into shape, now is my chance'
I didn't. I sat some more and some more and sometimes I laid down a little.
I eat less, but thats because it really takes almost no energy to sit or lay.
After the holidays were over, I thought 'ok fatty, this time for real, no fucking around'
I bought a Fitness DVD from Giant Tiger. Yup they sell fitness related stuff at Giant Tiger,
they also sell barrels of Gummi Candy for $2, and 69 cent Burritos.
Anyways it's called 'The Firm, Total Body Makeover' it sounds promising right?
I figured as soon as I brought it home I would be fit.
It wasn't that easy.
These bitches on the DVD ( I say bitches in only the most loving way)
They demand that you work it.
It's almost like they know exactly when I'm getting tired and thinking of a cigarette.
I will stop gyrating and reach for the remote, and one of these perky bitches will say
"Come on girl don't give up, stay with me, only 8 more to go"
How am I supposed to ignore that?
I've found the best way to avoid fatigue during these workouts is by cursing.
When she says with a huge smile on her face "Ok girl lets start with a step touch and work our way up to a swan schnauzer" or "Come on girl only seventeen million to go" I yell at her, I call her names.
I list the things I would do to her if I only I could get my hands on her.
It helps me to ignore the pain, I instead focus on my hatred for the perky bitch.
Sometimes I even sarcastically mimic her perpetual cheer.
I exaggerate my movements, swinging my ponytail around like a moron, all whilst smiling like a beauty pageant contestant. It works for me. If I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I get excited to take it out on 'Rebecca'. I flail around my Rec Room and between bouts of cursing and smiling I actually get into it. I would highly recommend this method of working out to anyone who hates exercise and loves sitting.
"Stuff You'll Never See #5"
Me In an actual exercise class
P.S
Drawing cars is hard
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