Dear London Shoppers:
I have decided to write you this letter instead of going on a killing spree.(jk)(please don't get me arrested).
I, like many others must occasionally go out for food, sometimes I only need to pick up a few things, like milk or bread or smokes. Sometimes I must go on a huge shopping spree, one of the shopping sprees where you must hit every aisle in the grocery store. This can be quite taxing on ones mental health for a variety of reasons, the cost of food is at an all-time high. The grocery store is often not as clean or well-stocked as one would like, and the mood music they play can seem highly unnecessary.
I know you all feel the same as me about grocery shopping, it is written all over your faces.
I have compiled an easy to follow list of things we can all do to make this troublesome task more enjoyable for all of us.
1. When selecting your vegetables and fruits either bring your cart with you or move it out of the way completely.
2. When your small children demand to be taken out of the cart and let loose, discipline them. You are their parents, they have to listen to you when you tell them not to run in front of everyones cart.
*TIP* If they still won't settle down tell them you will never feed them again.
3. If you are the type who buys bakery fresh items like Baguettes or Unsliced Pumpernickel loafs please don't manhandle the bread.Believe me when I tell you it's fresh. It's a bakery-thats what they do.
4. If you insist on smooshing the bread place your hand on the paper wrapper and don't push too hard, I don't want your greasy thumb on my delicious Baguette.
5. Stop fucking texting!
6. If you must text, as I understand other people may be at your home waiting for you to return with their desired food. Do so politely, do not stand in the middle of a small aisle, making it impossible for anyone to pass. This can create tension, but as Canadians no one will say anything (too polite) we will all just glare at you and roll our eyes excessively until you move out of the way.
7. When you encounter someone who appears to be in more of a hurry then you* they are usually the ones with no cart and a flushed appearance* Do not cut them off and put your butt in the air while you decide if you wan't chunky or smooth Peanut Butter. Instead kindly wait for them to pass, then continue dilly-daddling.
8. When you are checking out sometimes it can be busy and the long lines can begin to block aisles for those who are still shopping, if you find yourself in one of these long lines.....move out of the fucking way!
9. When you have all of your stuff up on the conveyor belt and someone is behind you- put the divider down. If the person behind you has to do this it makes them irritable(trust me). No one wants to touch your stupid groceries.
10. When you find yourself behind someone who is paying with Debit or Visa chip, back the fuck off, they don't want you breathing down their neck while they type in their pin, whether you are looking or not, it makes them uncomfortable.
If you think I missed anything please comment below.
Or post it on your Facebook and support the cause.
" How to avoid being an Asswhore"
I have decided to write you this letter instead of going on a killing spree.(jk)(please don't get me arrested).
I, like many others must occasionally go out for food, sometimes I only need to pick up a few things, like milk or bread or smokes. Sometimes I must go on a huge shopping spree, one of the shopping sprees where you must hit every aisle in the grocery store. This can be quite taxing on ones mental health for a variety of reasons, the cost of food is at an all-time high. The grocery store is often not as clean or well-stocked as one would like, and the mood music they play can seem highly unnecessary.
I know you all feel the same as me about grocery shopping, it is written all over your faces.
I have compiled an easy to follow list of things we can all do to make this troublesome task more enjoyable for all of us.
1. When selecting your vegetables and fruits either bring your cart with you or move it out of the way completely.
2. When your small children demand to be taken out of the cart and let loose, discipline them. You are their parents, they have to listen to you when you tell them not to run in front of everyones cart.
*TIP* If they still won't settle down tell them you will never feed them again.
3. If you are the type who buys bakery fresh items like Baguettes or Unsliced Pumpernickel loafs please don't manhandle the bread.Believe me when I tell you it's fresh. It's a bakery-thats what they do.
4. If you insist on smooshing the bread place your hand on the paper wrapper and don't push too hard, I don't want your greasy thumb on my delicious Baguette.
5. Stop fucking texting!
6. If you must text, as I understand other people may be at your home waiting for you to return with their desired food. Do so politely, do not stand in the middle of a small aisle, making it impossible for anyone to pass. This can create tension, but as Canadians no one will say anything (too polite) we will all just glare at you and roll our eyes excessively until you move out of the way.
7. When you encounter someone who appears to be in more of a hurry then you* they are usually the ones with no cart and a flushed appearance* Do not cut them off and put your butt in the air while you decide if you wan't chunky or smooth Peanut Butter. Instead kindly wait for them to pass, then continue dilly-daddling.
8. When you are checking out sometimes it can be busy and the long lines can begin to block aisles for those who are still shopping, if you find yourself in one of these long lines.....move out of the fucking way!
9. When you have all of your stuff up on the conveyor belt and someone is behind you- put the divider down. If the person behind you has to do this it makes them irritable(trust me). No one wants to touch your stupid groceries.
10. When you find yourself behind someone who is paying with Debit or Visa chip, back the fuck off, they don't want you breathing down their neck while they type in their pin, whether you are looking or not, it makes them uncomfortable.
If you think I missed anything please comment below.
Or post it on your Facebook and support the cause.
" How to avoid being an Asswhore"
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