Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Dead Celebrity Regrets

Can you imagine what it would be like to be a celebrity?
I know you've probably thought about it, we all have.

You probably picture having your own personal chef, a personal trainer and a personal assistant.
Basically its like everyone has one purpose in life....to be your "personal" whatever.
You can travel the world at the drop of  a hat...you never have to wake up early.
You can choose to wear nothing but sweatpants or have a "nip and tuck" whenever you have a bad day.

You are on top of the trends and you have all the best stuff and friends.
You know all the hip new stuff and party with people like Ed Norton or The Black Keys.
It's awesome right?
I can see you nodding now.

I don't know if you've ever paid attention to celebrity gossip blogs...
I must admit I have..but my intentions were good; I wanted to see pictures of dresses and shit.

Those poor girls. They literally berate them for having a misshapen bodice on a dress they had no part in the making of.
If they happen to be smiling too much or not enough, or if they have on clashy lipstick they begin to claim in the press that they are anorexic or self harming or whatever.

Why is that? wtf is wrong with all of us? Why is this obsession with celebs the new politics or the modern version of "staying up on current events" Why do more people know that Kim Kardashian is dating Kanye West than know about the recent freak tornado outbreak in Japan?

I clutch my pearls I tell you what.

The next time you read a celeb blogpost or see a check out counter magazine claiming someone fucked a hobo I dare you to pretend the story is about you.
Mentally superimpose your face onto that " bad beach body" and try to imagine what it would be like to piss in a gas station bathroom with a bunch of photographers screaming only feet away.

You may think twice about judging someone on their attire if anything.
You may even decide to start reading real news.

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